July Already?

So let’s see. . . looks like I left off in June.  Yes, the 7 day Detox–well, let’s say I didn’t do the greatest job with that.  But one thing I have been doing for a month now is make myself a green smoothie every morning.  If I add blackberries/blueberries, it’s technically purple, but I always add greens.  Usually it’s a banana, a few ice cubes, a handful of strawberries, maybe a peach or something, and then 2-3 handfuls of greens.  If you ever decide to try it yourself, try it with spinach first.  It’s pretty mild, so the finished concoction is still pretty fruity, though not sickly-sweet.  With my CSA share last week, I had swiss chard and that was pretty intense.  A little goes a long way–but hey, I ate up all of my swiss chard, no mean feat.  And I’m back to spinach again this week.

July though has not been the best month.  I’ve been really. . . emotional.  I’ve been arguing with my husband more–never a good sign.  It’s interesting, because in my inward life, I would say one of my greatest flaws is the lack of self discipline.  I am always annoyed at myself because I’m still drinking coffee and soda, I still eat chips & candy (I don’t buy it at the grocery story but work has a cheap vending area), I’m still not exercising.  But I think Leif might say that I compare myself too much to other people.  When he said it, I thought, Sure I compare myself to other people–a little.  Doesn’t everybody?  And I realized that it’s a really unattractive trait to do that.

The problem is trying to remove that and replace it with something healthier.  I have a couple of fitness sites that I peruse where the authors have great bodies–yeah, part of me thinks, Well, maybe this will make me WANT to work out more.  I also know people who make more than I do and I think, Maybe this will make me work HARDER so I too can make more.  Some days I really just don’t know where I’m going with my life, but I’m not happy in it.  We all say, Yeah, I know I’m not perfect, but that’s okay.  I’m realizing I say that, but I don’t believe that.  I feel like a failure coming home to my messy house and my piles of papers and my laundry unfolded and it’s all just reminders of what I should be doing.

But tonight, we ordered in and watched a little tv.  Then Leif worked on some music on his new laptop from Lars and I folded some of the laundry while watching Nova.   Then Nova got into the laundry basket and started throwing clothes all over the living room floor, so I helped her.  And then I threw them on her and took the white flour sack towels and draped them over her head and she just laughed and laughed.  That’s the great thing about a baby’s laugh–it can’t be anything less than real.  She hasn’t learned to be inauthentic yet.   So I didn’t get the dishes done.  But the memory of more laughter–check.  (Oh yeah, some of the laundry did manage to get put away, how about that?)

Advertisement